I made a comment about marriages. I was concerned that they are a lie. I have seen often, two people in love; the guy keeps pursuing, and telling the lady all these sweet nothings. The lady…she’s in cloud nine (they both are). She won’t stop talking to her friends about him. He won’t stop telling her how beautiful she is, how he wants to marry her, and be the father of their children, and grow old with her.
Fast forward to two years into marriage; they won’t even look at each other! They are constantly fighting, fiercely arguing. They are no longer holding each other's hands, or craving to spend time together, or giggling unreasonably, or looking into each other’s eyes, or laughing at each other’s jokes!
So I asked, “What usually happens?”
And then I noticed, that it’s a human cycle, which repeats itself in every aspect of the human’s life;
You were little, you wanted so bad to be in a certain profession, you studied hard. Where you are at is a consequence of tears, hard work, sweat and prayer. Your first job starts with unbelievable gusto; your enthusiasm is inexplicable, it has no match! But somewhere along the line, you feel terribly bored with your profession, everything is just unbelievably boring!
The cycle continues with family, and friends, and good health, and your spirituality…
At some point in your life, (indulge me on this pleasant people) there is a time that you loved so deeply, or worked so hard to achieve a certain goal, or prayed so earnestly for a good partner, or good health, or you felt so close to God, and then you achieved your ideal…but all of a sudden, things are just not the same!
And you keep wondering, “what happened?!”
Life is too funny, I did laugh today! I have often been in these cycles, and I might have learned something, that I’d humbly love to share;
There are certain goals that we set for ourselves. We tire ourselves for days, months, or even years chasing the ideal. We never really stop to think though; what happens after I have achieved my dream?
The thrill of chasing something worthwhile, it wakes you up early, it gets you on your knees to seek God, it costs you hard work, and then you achieve! Now what? All of a sudden there’s nothing to drive you.
Your routine has changed. You wake up a little later, dress a little slower, walk to work (you’re no longer running), or working long and hard as you used to, you’re comfortable…way too comfortable.
There’s this assumption, that things will never change; my job is secure, my partner vowed “for better for worse”, my friend will stand by me no matter what, God will always be gracious enough to keep forgiving. Things won’t change! I have arrived, I’m just the fella!!! *Hehaa!* How warm and comfortable it is where I am at!”
See life is interesting, just when we think we have things figured out, when we think we have finally arrived, life puts us on a see- saw and throws all our efforts into oblivion!
We often find ourselves sometimes, behaving as if someone out there owes us some privilege or entitlement of sorts;
“I’ve worked hard all my life, I’ve chased this lady for way too long, I’ve been in too many interviews before I got this job…surely, the universe owes me some comfort, no? I can now relax…”
That’s a sinister out look of life. Everything that we have, we hold just for a moment, and in that moment, we are expected to use it the best way we know how. Whether it be enjoying good health, having amazing friends, or a supportive family, a great job, a great partner...they are all privileges that we are lucky enough to be custodians of.
Familiarity breeds contempt, and a wise person lives their life anticipating change. The status quo is not always a guarantee. That means therefore, that even after I achieve my ideal, my efforts still have to be constant.
As I’m living my ideal I could as well explore new areas. Change is inevitable and so it’s wise to be aware of existing choices than to isolate myself in a comfort zone. When I’m aware of existing choices, if change were to come it will not result to anger, disillusionment and bitterness…it will have been anticipated from the beginning and so it will be easier for me to pick up the pieces and move on.
When it comes to relationships, even after I achieve my ideal, I could work on being the best version of myself in the role that I just acquired…the best partner, or friend, or employee, or business person.
Find time to often ask yourself;
Who am I? Where have I come from? How did I get here? Where do I want to go? And how can I get there?
What do I want to accomplish? If I continue the way I am, will I get to where I really want to go?
Let your efforts be constant. Never allow yourself to get too comfortable!
That day when you start treating privileges as rights, slap yourself real hard, as a reminder of who you were, and what it has taken to be where you are at, or have what you do… Ingratitude breeds insouciance, it tags along nonchalance.
The opportunities that we have today, we ought to make the best, most maximum use of them…treat them as if they would be nonexistent tomorrow.
What’s your take on this pleasant people? Do you ever get to that point in your life? Where you finally achieve your ideal, and it’s seemingly not as alluring and glitzy as you had imagined?
I hope this post made sense to you…I really do hope it was helpful.
Thanks for stopping by to read though, and enjoy a blessed and favoured rest of the week!